Still in Vogue: Setting Goals and Making Resolutions

 Still in vogue: setting goals and making resolutions!

Goals and resolutions are not passé.

Some years ago, CBS (2013) conducted a poll. The poll basically stated that “sixty-eight percent of Americans surveyed said they don’t make New Year’s resolutions — up 10 percentage points from two years ago.” Other research shows that making resolutions are still in vogue. In fact, resolutions can offer you a fresh start. In a December 2014 research article from the Wharton School, researchers Dai, Milkman, and Ri called the idea of making resolutions the “fresh start effect,” concluding that many of the fresh starts began at the beginning of the year or at the beginning of “temporal landmarks.” These landmarks can be birthdays, marriage dates, the first of the year, or any time the person wants a fresh start. Perhaps, instead of naming them resolutions, we should call resolutions “fresh starts.”

Resolutions propel us toward self-improvement.

Most of us want to improve our lives, one way or the other. What we need to realize the making and completion of resolutions help us improve our lives. During a leadership discussion, one leader mentioned that we should “accept the burden of self-improvement. In a Forbes magazine article, Ashley Feinstein discussed some research Gail Matthews from Dominican University wrote about goal settings. Feinstein stated that “those who wrote down their goals accomplished significantly more than those who did not write down their goals.” Making and keeping resolutions help improve our lives.

Goals and resolutions lead to intentionally planning our lives.

Throughout history, particularly in recent history, people believe they should live spontaneously. One of the leaders in the discussion called this spontaneity “accidental living,” just doing whatever comes up and not caring for what comes after, causing us not to worry about the potential consequences. This spontaneous living creates challenges and maybe even life-threatening actions. Usually, somewhere along the way, people stop and confess that they have wasted their lives. Many work hard in making the appropriate changes through making goals and resolutions to change and then sticking to them. Making and completing resolutions lead to intentionally living well. We ultimately have the choice to do or not to do.

Resolutions help us answer the question “Where do I need to improve?”

Sometimes our boss asks us in our annual assessment or evaluation: “Where do you think you need to improve?” Our boss knows exactly where we need to improve because most good leaders do not ask questions they do not already know the answers to. They want us to be conscientious in acknowledging our short comings and/or our performance. Consequently, we create goals to improve our performance and then work hard so our next performance evaluation is a stellar one. Additionally, we also ought to do a personal periodic review to propel us to determine what we need to improve our personal lives.

Resolutions are what leaders do.

Great leaders make goals/resolutions, create objectives that are measurable, develop strategies to achieve the objectives, and then assess how they successfully or unsuccessfully completed their goals and objectives. Some years ago, the Holden Leadership Center at the University of Oregon wrote: “Goals help define your organization, give direction and avoid chaos.” Thus, leaders do not haphazardly follow a path. They know what they want and seek diligently in accomplishing their tasks.

Resolutions do not allow the status quo.

In reality, there is no such thing as the status quo. Either you are progressing or retrogressing. Most of us—thankfully—have to be doing something. Making and completing resolutions propel us forward for the most part. Granted, some of us do not keep our goals. In the CBS Poll, only “three in 10 Americans say they usually make New Year’s resolutions — but only about half keep them.” The challenge for not completing hinges not making obtainable goals or making too many. According to psychologist Dr. Lynn Bufka, “Setting small, attainable goals throughout the year, instead of a singular, overwhelming goal on January 1 can help you reach whatever it is you strive for. Remember, it is not the extent of the change that matters, but rather the act of recognizing that lifestyle change is important and working toward it, one step at a time.”

Whether you call it setting goals, making New Year’s resolutions, creating lifestyle changes, or developing a fresh start, doing something to improve your life, health, attitude, eating habits, exercise, or spiritual being will eventually lead you to self-improvement. When we gang up on ourselves by making dozens of resolutions or changes in our life at the same time, we will melt into oblivion and pound ourselves for not accomplishing all of the tasks. The key is to do like Dr. Bufka counsels: You must take "one step at a time."

Fifteen ways to have a more positive 2022!

Fifteen ways to have a more positive 2022
Darrel L. Hammon with help from lots of friends in the world

Our 2021 was filled with both challenges and positives. None of us can deny the craziness of 2021 and the many challenges that so many have suffered. Yes, it has been a tough year for all of us in some minute or grand way. Consequently, I asked myself: How can I help make 2022 more positive than 2021? Answer: I asked my Facebook and Instagram friends to send me their thoughts and suggestions about how they are going to make 2022 a more positive year.

I collected their comments, thoughts, and suggestions and organized them thematically into fifteen categories to read, contemplate, reflect, incorporate into your own lives, and share with others. They are not in any hierarchical list. It is a list that can be shuffled in any way you desire.

Show more respect, love, and compassion
Last year was one of the most challenging years I have seen. Many, many people experienced challenging things. One of the major challenges was that people rose up and were vicious and disrespectful to each other, their families, and people they didn’t even know. When that type of hatred roams the streets and social media, no wonder people are feeling a bit skittish. Ken Aird (Utah) wrote just three words: “Respect, Love, Compassion” to describe what he is going to do. Amy Dyer (Utah) wrote, “Something that I want to do this year is be more prayerful and thoughtful about how I’m treating those around me!”

Sonja Diaz (Chile) wishes to show “love and understanding for every person and have compassion for even the most defenseless so they do not suffer.” She also wants peace and love.

For any of us, showing respect, compassion, peace, and love for those in our own lives will help us become more positive and kinder. I think if we were more thoughtful and compassionate about those around us, we would feel better about who we are.

Use writing to help
Lots of people suggested that they were going to use writing as a way to become more positive and see things in a positive light. Writing can be so therapeutic. Cynthia Egbert (Colorado) said, “I have a plan to spend at least the first two weeks of January journaling about what I have learned over the past two years. This may end up taking all the month of January but I feel the need to clearly see the gains I and my family have made in the most trying of circumstances. I believe this will strengthen us to face what is still coming.”

Another journal writer, Marian C Hobson (South Carolina), wants to “regularly use my spiritual thoughts journal to remind me of the way God is working in my life and teaching me.”

Stephen Lowry (Idaho) told me via a telephone call that he is going to “post something positive in my journal every day like acts by someone else that made my day brighter. I want to watch for good things that people do, not necessarily the bad things that I normally do.”

Lohany Smith (Texas) wrote that “I want to enjoy more the present moment instead of thinking about what’s next. And journaling more about the things I learn throughout the year.”

Being able to focus on the good things and not the bad will definitely help us climb out of any negative abyss.

Elevate your life by small moments and steps
The state of Utah has a tagline “Life Elevated.” What a great tagline. In our mission, we converted that tagline into “Mission Elevated.” Perhaps, each of us can determine how we can elevate our lives through a variety of means.

For example, Anne Marie Winters Harmon (Utah) offered up what she is going to do to elevate her life: “I have a goal to make time for the Lord every day. I have taken this challenge from President Russell M. Nelson and want to continue this. Ways that I plan to do this is to set aside time to meditate and know God is there. I also plan to elevate my scripture study for the preparation of weekly temple attendance. I look back and remember to elevate my life even by small moments and steps. I also have other goals of keeping my mind strong as well as my physical body. I strive every day to take time to exercise and push myself to a physical limit. Sometimes those limits we think we have, only exist in our minds. Overall I want to feel God's love and spirit continually.”

Elevating our lives, even by small or incremental steps, will allow us to see the bigger picture.

Center yourself on Christ
For many people who commented on how they are going to make 2022 a more positive year, they want to turn to or center on Christ. Tyson Crowther now going to college in Idaho stated, “I don’t have to be perfect. I just have to center myself on Christ and make him a bigger part of my family’s life.”

When you center yourself on a higher power, we learn as Kristen Vance Larsen (Utah) has recognized over the years that “learning requires experiences and challenges. This has scared me in the past and undoubtedly will continue to be overwhelming at times. Hopefully, the Lord will be compassionate, and I will be teachable; otherwise, the challenges will need to be greater or repeated in order for me to truly learn. I trust that these things will all be for my good.”

Marlene Shirley (Utah) understands where true joy comes from: “When there are hard days I am going to try harder to remember that true joy comes from living the Gospel and being a disciple of Jesus Christ. No one can take away my relationship with the Savior.”

Christian Nkwocha, a young man from Nigeria who lost both his father and mother within a few months of each other in 2021 from illness and COVID offered this counsel: “I encourage my beloved brothers and sisters as we are about to enter 2022 we need to increase our faith and regular studying in our scriptures use the same opportunity to invite friends and families to come unto Christ.” Even though he and his two sisters have gone through much tribulation, he said, “ Let not our hearts be troubled. Let's increase our faith and invite the Lord to be the finisher of our faith.”

Whatever your religious beliefs are, centering on Christ or a higher power may strengthen your faith and hope in positive things.

Think of tender mercies and blessings and look for the good in our lives
Often the big things in our lives do not appear readily, if at all, but the little things do. Tana Thorley Whicker (Montana) wrote: “I mentally review my day and look for “tender mercies” (the little blessings in life). Without fail, they’re there, but I often miss them if I don’t consciously look for them in my day.” Perhaps, Diane Hall (Utah) has a purpose in 2022 that we should all adopt: “I’m going to purposely look for the good.”

Sandy Mellows Pallesen Davis (Nevada) just went through a challenging yet positive 2021, including the death of her father. Sandy wholeheartedly believes that 2022 will be positive “if we focus on family and what we do have. In 2022, we will strive to enjoy every day and be thankful for God’s blessings. We will be exploring the USA in our RV and just enjoying life.”

Looking for the tender mercies or the good in our lives will help us chase away the negativity in our lives.

Be more positive in thoughts and actions
Coupled with compassion is being more positive in thoughts and actions. Myrna Newman Williams (Idaho) wrote about what she is going to do to be more positive: “I am challenging myself, every day to make it through that day without saying one negative thing about me or anyone else or life.

Josh Baker (West Virginia) is including his family in his suggestion: “Our family will be doing a gratitude and positivity journal. Friends that visit will also contribute to the book.” How exciting is this?

Personally, I think talking about and demonstrating positivity helps dissipate some of the negativity. One of the things I would like to do this year is to create a podcast that highlights positive people, positive adventures, positive philosophy, etc. Of course, I know I will need help and hope to reach out to those who can help me.

Remember who you are and what you represent
I truly believe that if people would remember who they are and try to represent themselves in positive and healthy ways, their lives would change for the better. Erika Y Martinez’s (Texas) suggestion is a phenomenal one: “I genuinely forget, at times, who I truly am. I get disappointed, frustrated, and mad at myself! So, my goal for this next year is to remind myself every time a thought comes into mind that I am a daughter of God! If the thought is negative in any way, it's going to be replaced with an elevating phrase!”

Follow through on your goals
Many of us set goals on January 1 of every year and then cheerfully begin. Within a week or two or even a month or two, our motivation to complete our goals diminishes, and our annual goals fall to the wayside. Corrin Adams from Utah offered a potential solution: “I think for me I'm using the new year to really focus on my current goals and start new goals.” Part of focusing on and starting the goals is a re-evaluation period every month or week or however long your goals are. We must be diligent in this assessment and just not quit doing them.

Even as far away as the Dominican Republic, Federico Rosario wants to become an entrepreneur and “sell household items.” Plus, Federico’s other goal is to “follow Christ and continue to go forward with the help of God who will give me wisdom.”

Continue what you begin!

Do fun family projects and family history
Many of us have family members who live fairly close to us. Others are not so lucky. Fortunately, because of the pandemic, we have all learned how to use a variety of video conferencing programs. Colleen Hammon Poole (Utah) whose children and grandchildren live all over offered a great solution to connect families in a positive way: “For Christmas, we received a question-a-week family history project. At the end of the year, we get a hardcover book of what we submitted. Fun idea—we are giving it a green light in 2022.” Marianne Christensen (Idaho) said she was going to finish her life history and her family albums, “both fun family projects.”

The old adage “families that play and learn together” stay together.

Change our attitude
Jackie ZoBell Chan (Canada) a unique way to help us to think about attitude: “People could have had the exact same experiences and someone had a great year and the other person had a miserable year. The difference is in the attitude. I had a great year by the way.” Jackie also mentioned laughing definitely changes her attitude more than most things: “I’m going to make 2022 even better by laughing more. When something doesn’t go my way, when the kids are being annoying, I’m going to laugh more. It will make 2022 lots of fun!”

Marlene Shirley (Utah) said, “I am going to try harder to not let the circumstances of life prevent me from feeling joy.”

Changing our attitudes will cause us to see the real joy in our lives.

Be more grateful and thankful for everything, even the small things
Probably one of the most prolific suggestions was to be grateful for what you have. People tend to only moan and groan about what they do not have or wish they had. Carl Harris (California) offered a suggestion to all of us: “Have a greater attitude of gratitude for blessings both seen and unseen towards our Father in Heaven and our Savior Jesus Christ!”

Robin Jergins, an Idahoan now living in Utah, was similarly succinct: “Focus on gratitude and serving others.”

Diana L. Kramer (California) was adamant about showing gratitude in 2022: “I want to show gratitude in physical and spoken ways. Giving a sincere compliment, noting someone’s efforts in challenges they may face, sending birthday cards, (yep, good old paper and stamps), greeting people I meet while out & about, sending notes to someone I’m thinking about, telling my family I LOVE YOU, whenever we talk. That should keep me busy.”

Carl, Robin, and Diane are absolutely correct. The more we focus on gratitude, we will place a priority on being thankful for what we have.

Serve others and practice charity
Serving others and practicing charity will definitely keep us off the “Woe is me” scale. David Hansen (California) had two keen insights into how to serve and help others: 1) Never let others I come in contact with go unnoticed. 2. Never suppress a charitable thought.” For him, it is about letting others know how important they are. Marianne Christensen (Idaho) also believes that “service weekly or even daily if I can” will enhance her 2022.

When we do things for others, we begin to forget about ourselves. We begin to see outward, not inward.

Be healthy
We all know that being healthy leads to a more positive life and lifestyle. Merrill McCracken (Idaho) was very pragmatic about his suggestion for a more positive 2022: “Take more precautions against COVID-like vaccines. That will help prevent the spread and save lives. Also will make life easier for everyone.” Josh Baker (West Virginia) commented that “personally, it is time for me to cut out some junk food from my diet.”

Most of us can probably think of just doing or not doing one thing that will enhance our overall health happiness.

Let learning become a more active part of my life
Learning new things often creates a newness that realigns our life more positively and fully. Kristen Vance Larsen (Utah) said one of her main goals was to ask, “What can I learn?” and “What more can I learn?” She went on to say that “Learning excites me and brings me joy, as well as delivers understanding and purpose to what I do. Even when everything falls apart or I fail miserably—if I ask, ‘what can I learn’? then everything will work for my good.”

Nathan Chase (Florida) loves the idea of learning new things. His counsel for us and himself is fairly robust: “I think I’m going to try new hobbies and activities I haven’t tried before. There’s so much to explore.”

One of the things that Eulalie Christensen (Idaho) wants to study deeply and practice “how to use conflict to create rather than contend. I have become aware of how we need to not fear or avoid conflict but embrace it and use it as our Father in Heaven does to build, but it’s something I have not practiced or seen done much so I am very interested in learning how to achieve this.”

Exploring and learning will always occupy our time and our minds with so many new and invigorating things that we will not have time to be negative.

Wallow and moan for a bit, then move forward in the best way
Dede Meredith Dyer (Utah) received some incredible advice from a wise woman years ago that she wants to share with us: “When you’re having a hard time, set a time limit, think about it, wallow in self-pity, beat yourself up about a bad decision, etc., whatever you need to do (cry, scream), then after your five, ten, fifteen minutes (or whatever time limit but not too long), your focus should be on how to move forward in the best way and what you are grateful for that is currently helping and supporting you and those you love.”

Conversely, Tamy Rogers (Alaska) does not believe in wallowing and moaning for a bit. Rather, she says, “Don’t go back and think, what should I have done? Why didn't I do that? or Why did I do that and what if I did or didn't do? or Why didn’t I listen to the Spirit when He was telling me what to do? And as the day ends count your blessings instead of your sheep.”

Thus, wallowing and moaning for a brief time may be okay to do. Just do not linger longer than you should. Move forward quickly, always looking forward to completing your goals and tasks.

Conclusion:
As you read these suggestions carefully, you will discover that many people are making changes in their lives and the lives of their families. They want to feel different than they did last year. They want to be different and make a difference in their lives and the lives of others.

As you contemplate your 2022, I sincerely hope you will be wise in making your goals and keeping them. Perhaps, your assessment is to tell someone about your goals, hire or engage a mentor or a coach to keep you on task. Whatever you decide to do, keep doing it, no matter how challenging it might be, and you will feel more positive and motivated than you ever have. Promise!

Thanks to everyone who participated by sharing with me your goals. I know there are many others who are sharing their thoughts and goals with others. I would love to hear how you are doing with your goals.

Happy 2022!

I am still viable!

 I just had "that" birthday that puts me in another age bracket. Plus, I have also experienced recently some trappings of ageism, so I thought I would pen a quasi-résumé poem titled, "I am still viable."

I am still viable

I confess I possess some semblance
of gray hair and a few wrinkles
around the eyes, but I still have game.
I still get up on time, actually early, meaning
I can get to work on time, with a smile.
And I don’t need coffee
or one of those booster drinks

to get me going or even keep me going.
I just keep going because I know how to work.
I learned early in life by milking cows,
chipping ice in the winter, moving pipe
in huge potato fields in Idaho,
feeding pigs and chickens, mowing lawns,
and working early and hard in the garden.

I even picked potatoes and hoed beets
in the heat and those wild eastern Idaho winds.
Plus, I went to college and over the years earned a Ph.D.
Yes, I can work circles around most
of your employees all before noon.
I realize the youth need experience and guidance
and probably a boatload of motivation.

That’s where I come in, full of experience,
a guide to help them along the way,
showing how to work the oars and steer the ship,
a high-level motivator with a kind
yet pragmatic dose of stick-to-it-ness.
Plus, I see the holistic,
understand the mission and vision,

and work diligently and persistently
to bring them to fruition,
all in collaborative, successful ways.
Yes, I may be a bit more mature
than your 30-somethings,
some still wet behind the ears,
with their freshly minted degrees,

but I still possess the success gene
and the work gene
and visionary gene
and the resilience gene
and the entrepreneurship gene,
and they have functioned fine for years—
and ready to propel your company forward.

Yes, I am still viable…

Debbie Rae: A Shift in Reality

Debbie Rae: A Shift in Reality 

Recently, I had an incredible conversation with a good friend of mine with whom I worked when I was at Lewis-Clark State College (LCSC). Our discussion focused on the “shift in reality” when things happen in our lives, many of them without our permission, that often maneuver our thought processes and our real lives into a different realm—thus a true shift in our reality, perceived or real. Debbie experienced one of these shifts in reality just before and during COVID, and she is attempting to live within it. 

Debbie was very open and honest about what happened to her, something that may have happened to many other people. We deal with our challenges in so many different ways. This is how Debbie dealt with hers, and I wanted to share it through a conversational essay. Enjoy!

Darrel: Debbie, you have recently gone through what you call a “shift in reality.” What caused this shift? 

Debbie: As we all know, 2020 was a rough year for all of us. I found myself really struggling with my mental health. Maintaining my relationships with even those I love the most was a challenge for me. It was hard for me to “let go” and “forgive” in some instances. Some struggling relationships were because of my behavior and some weren’t, but the struggle and loss were the same and painful! 

Darrel: Aside from the COVID 2020, what precipitated the change? 

Debbie: In January of 2019, at the age of 62, I realized I was having some debilitating cognitive issues. Doing my bookkeeping that month was excruciating. Right in the middle of doing a function, my memory would “black out.” The information was just gone. I would have to relax and reroute my thinking process to bring me back to the point that I could remember what I was doing and continue with my bookkeeping. This happened many times a day. Carrying on conversations became difficult. In the middle of a sentence, I would completely forget what I was talking about. It became uncomfortable for me to hang out with my friends because carrying on a normal conversation was a struggle. I was embarrassed. 

Darrel: That had to have been extremely difficult in recognizing there was something definitely wrong with how you were thinking and necessarily knowing what was happening. 

Debbie: It was, especially in my business. I had started a business being a professional driver. That required a lot of thinking and knowing where I was going. But driving became difficult. I couldn’t go anywhere without my GPS because I would forget where I was going. I got good at hiding that because I had to. Professional driving was one of my income streams, and I needed it! 

Darrel: What was the turning point? 

Debbie: It wasn’t long that I couldn’t hide the fact that my cognitive memory was failing. As I now look back on it, there was one person I couldn’t hide it from. He was a 17-year-old young man who didn’t drive, so he hired me a few times a week to drive him back and forth to work. I adored this kid. He was one of my favorite clients. In fact, he’s the one that gave me the name for that business, Deb’s Executive Driving. Because I drove him all the time, I didn’t have to turn on the GPS because I knew where we were going. However, now I didn’t have a backup system to keep me on track, and often I would completely forget to turn into the driveway at his work. I would drive right past it and have to go around a long block to do it again to get him to work. He hung in there with me as long as he could, and then one day he just stopped texting me for a ride. I understood completely. 

Darrel: Sounds like this young man was very compassionate and was willing to work things through until he couldn’t do it any longer. What did you do when this realization finally hit you? 

Debbie: I recognized something was happening in my brain, and it was not good. Fortunately for me, I spoke and cried with my youngest daughter. She and I are very close, and she set me on a healing path with 13 simple words. “You need to look at what you’re eating and putting into your body.” 

Darrel: Sounds like an incredible revelation to you, and you were ready to change. 

Debbie: Yes, it was. I started on a discovery path to understand what was happening to me, and how I could fix it. I changed what I was eating, and I began researching dementia and Alzheimer as well as “food as medicine.” I did a bit of research and learned that by the age of 85, 50% of the world’s population will have Alzheimer's. I also learned that the amyloid plaque that builds up around the brain cells and the tau deposits which develop in the brain cells begin around the age of 40, many years before you begin to experience symptoms. 

Darrel: In your research and contemplation, what else did you learn? 

Debbie: First of all, I experienced a lot of trauma in my childhood and into my early twenties, especially emotional and physical abuse, abandonment, and excruciating loss when I had to give up my first-born child to another family to raise because I was unable to give her the life she so deserved. What arose from that traumatic period was my ability to accept change and know everything happens for a reason. There are no accidents. 

Darrel: After you realized all this, what did you do? 

Debbie: So, when I realized my future was uncertain, I knew the only thing for me to do, besides becoming healthier and more knowledgeable, was to really live life like I was going to die tomorrow. No regrets! Get on with life and enjoy it as I never have before, and that is exactly what my divine spirit has guided me to do. 

Darrel: Once you made this decision, did everything become better? 

Debbie: No, 2020 never got any better. Instead, as travel came to a halt due to COVID, so did my transportation business in November 2020, I did realize, though, that I had no business driving anymore. I thought I had finally found my forever love, but that didn’t happen as we broke up on Christmas Day. And then came January 2021, and 15 days before I was leaving for my annual trip, I was evicted from my home, which resulted in the loss of my second income stream. I had lost everything. 

Darrel: This had to have been one of your lowest times in your life. But here you are! What did you learn from the challenges of 2020? 

Debbie: First of all, I didn’t panic. I saw the opportunities not the loss. When life gives us lemons, we make lemonade. I had a new found freedom. I had nothing I had to be accountable for anymore. I was free to do what I wanted and what I wanted was to go to the Yucatan Peninsula which I love so much. 

Darrel: Now, that is a major change. 

Debbie: Yes, a major change in so many ways. From the moment I stepped onto that airplane to go to Mexico, my life continues to get better and better. I have clarity about what is really important in life. For the first six months I lived in the beautiful town of Bacalar. I walked to the fruteria to buy fresh produce and seeing all the beauty of southern Mexico along the way. 

Darrel: What were some of the new things that you did or are now experiencing? 

Debbie: Well, I finally had time to take care of myself. My eyes were open to so many things like merely waving and saying hello and good day to my neighbors and taking the time to cook for myself whole food meals. I know what a gift it is to feel the energy of the sun on my face each morning. I begin each day with deep breathing and meditation, praying for each one of my children sending them my love and prayers that they know health, peace, and love in their lives, as well as the rest of my cherished family and friends back home. I spend time listening to what my divine self is trying to tell me and being open to its guidance.

Darrel: What are you thankful for or attribute this new view? 

Debbie: I thank our beautiful planet, Mother Earth, for her life, love, and nutrients that she freely gives to us each and every day and sending love to all of her inhabitants. I love and appreciate the incredible friendships I have here and enjoy the fun times we share together, especially with my landlords, Javier and Minerva. I don’t think I could love them anymore than I do now. Their friendship and support are a divine gift to me. I love listening to beautiful music and find myself dancing—all alone in my apartment and feeling what a gift it is to feel that happy. 

Darrel: How is your mental health now and what does your future hold? 

Debbie: Well, death is certain but that doesn’t scare me. My mental abilities definitely improved after I made behavioral changes in my life, but is that from what I was and am doing or is it the evolution of the disease? I don’t know. Stay tuned! 

Darrel: What you say to people who are experiencing some of the same things you are? 

Debbie: Please learn something from my experiences! I believe it can be prevented by taking the correct self-care measures. I do not know everything, but this is what I do know: We can’t control everything! But we can control how we react to it. Some days I think I’m fine, and some days things happen that make me worry a little that it may be regressing. But I only worry a little. For me, I’m not going to waste this precious time worrying about something I can’t control. I’m too busy being happy! 

Darrel: Debbie, so many thanks to you. I know this has been—and probably will continue to be—a challenging path for you. But I love your positivity and your willingness to not waste your precious time worrying. Thank you so much for sharing and being so open with us. We wish you well. 

Debbie: Thank you!

Jennifer Sizemore--mother, author, autism blogger, lifelong learner, murder-mystery writer, and friend to all

Sadness fills my heart as I contemplate the death of Jennifer Sizemore from the effects of COVID.

Jennifer Sizemore

In October 2020, Jennifer reached out to me via Facebook. She had once been my English student at Mountain Home Junior School in Mountain Home, Idaho. She was a 9^th grader, and one of the shyest students I have ever known. Yet, she was friendly to everyone and to me.

She wanted help with her writing, so she could begin writing a blog and other things. So we began visiting via Zoom almost every Wednesday after that. During various sessions, we reminisced about the 9^th grade English class and how she felt being in the class. I was so surprised how vivid the details were when she would explain this or that. Sometimes, I had to say, “I do not remember that at all or I vaguely remember it.” She would just laugh and continue her stories.

Of course, there were many things I did remember about her and what we were learning. For example, during class, students would read aloud some passage from a book or a short story we were reading. I remember Jennifer trying to hide out in class so she wouldn’t have to do that. But in a class of 24 or so, it’s hard to not be visible, even if you were diminutive in stature like Jennifer. I wanted all students to participate and learn, so I called on her, and she responded, albeit a bit reluctantly. One day, we were reading Romeo and Juliet, and I stopped by Jennifer’s desk and ask her to play one of the parts. She quietly said yes, and on we went.

Jennifer and her sister

When it came her time, she read as if she were Lady Montague in person. When she finished her first read, the whole class stopped and turned to her. Here was the shyest student in class; yet she spoke with vigor like she knew exactly what the character would say and how she would say it! She stunned everyone.

Part of a project assignment during Romeo and Juliet, students had to choose a section of the play or a soliloquy, memorize it, and then perform it for the entire class. You can imagine the groans from everyone—but not Jennifer. Soon, though, everyone started getting into their parts. They seemed to be loving their parts and anticipating the days when they had to perform. During this time, faculty members came to me and asked, “When are you going to be finishing your Shakespeare section?” When I asked why, they said, “These students are practicing in my classroom and quoting lines from Shakespeare everywhere they are.” “Isn’t learning fun and exciting” was my response.

When the time came to present, everyone came prepared. Jennifer took center stage and did her soliloquy. She was magnificent, poised, and professional! The class was enchanted by her and the eloquence with how she performed. They clapped and clapped and clapped. Jennifer set down and didn’t say anything although you could see a huge smile on her face. She was now in her element!

When we began writing and coaching sessions in October 2020, she confessed to me that day in class was one of the happiest days she had ever experienced and grew to love drama and being in plays. She even lettered in speech and drama group her senior year and continued to participate in plays after high school. Those were the most fun times she had she would often say. She even wrote one of her essay about the euphoria she felt by being on stage.

One of the great talents that came out of all this was her wish to write. She and I worked diligently for months. Each Wednesday when we met over Zoom, she had completed a new writing assignment. She was so diligent with each assignment. They were well written. Sometimes, she would say, “Oh, so many memories and topics flooded into my head, and this is the one I wanted to write about this week.” In total, she wrote more than 40 essays for me—all about her growing up, the incredible times she had, some challenging times, and the times when she grew the most.

Another love of hers was creating music. She told me that she taught herself how to play the piano. She sent me a few of her musical creations, which I loved because they were so soft, inviting, and soothing. I urged her to write more and maybe put some of her thoughts as words for the songs.  

She also thoroughly enjoyed writing murder mysteries and then presenting them. She had done a couple and began calling various groups around the Mountain Home and Boise areas. When I last talked to her, she and her niece were writing a murder mystery for the local library. She was so excited to be moving out of her comfort zone and fulfilling a dream.

Jennifer and her niece

One of her biggest achievements during our writing sessions was her creation of a blog on autism. She began writing for it and publishing articles. People were beginning to read it, after posting it on Facebook, LinkedIn, and other social media. She was excited about writing about autism and helping parents and others through autism challenges with their children. Her experiences with Solon had prepared her well to help others. She looked forward to expanding her blog. (You can read her blog here: https://thepuzzlepiece01142007.blogspot.com/.)

Then, on September 2, she told me she still wanted to meet with me, but she had a frog in her throat and that she would look drastically different. I asked her why, and she said she wore dentures, and she would not be wearing them during the session because of the pain they caused her. When we met over Zoom, the frog was deep in their throat and her chest, and she didn’t sound very well. Plus, she looked so different without her dentures. She couldn’t smile that famous smile of hers.

Not a week later, she messaged, “Just keeping you posted. I have Covid-19 a lousy chest x ray and bad oxygen levels. I'm being admitted into the hospital.”

On September 9, we had this conversation:

Darrel: How are you doing today? Hopefully better. Still in the hospital?”

Jennifer: “Yes. Not sure how long I will be stuck here. I have COVID pneumonia. My oxygen levels are messed up. They are giving me 100% oxygen right now. It's difficult to walk, and I lose control of my breath.”

Darrel: “With time and work, you will do well.....Be courageous!”

Jennifer: “I am trying, but I am so tired.”

Darrel: “Well, you have to rest in order to heal your body.”

Jennifer: “I just took my meds so I'm headed to bed. Please keep praying for me. I know I need them.”

On September 10, Jennifer messaged me and asked, “Could you pray for me please? I mean on here? [meaning via messenger] Something I can read later to help give me a little hope? And I did! Once I sent it, she immediately replied, “Thank you. I will read it daily.”

On September 15, our Messenger conversation went something like this:

Darrel: “Jennifer, how are you doing today? I hope better and better.”

Jennifer: “Still at the hospital. But there has been a little improvement in my lungs, and my chest is finally starting to circulate air on its own.”

Darrel: “Can you video chat with Solon [her 15-year-old autistic son] so he knows you are improving? I am assuming you are doing that already. Do they let you have your computer so you can write or use your phone to write our next story?”

Jennifer: “No at the moment sitting up is a success. I miss Solon. It's been so discouraging here. I have seen Solon on video once. He was telling me he loved me in sign language. He’s been making baked goodies for my return but keeps eating them lol.” Still happy, still thinking about Solon.

Solon

She then told me about Bob and his girlfriend Kathy. Solon was staying with them while Jennifer was in the hospital, attempting to get better. When I asked her about how Solon was doing with them, she said, “Kathy was telling me that she was showing him pictures of me  and he started telling her how pretty his mommy is. And that he talks about me all day long and can't wait til I can see him again. [Not having Solon near me] makes this recovery more difficult. I want to be with him so badly, and I feel so hopeless.”

After a small conversation on September 16, I never heard from her again.

Since hearing about her death from one of her good friends, I have felt sadness—sadness that Jennifer did not make it out of the hospital. Sadness that she didn’t get to see Solon again. Sadness that she cannot continue to further develop her talents. Sadness that I didn’t receive another essay to read and to smile about her growth. I figure, though, that her last essay would have been about Solon and how much she loved him and wanted to watch him grow and develop and learn so many things.

Jennifer loved Solon and loved talking about him during our conversations. Her blog was full of principles she had learned as a mother of an autistic child. She was so proud of Solon when he won an academic award and sent me a photo.

Solon receiving his academic award

Jennifer rose from humble beginnings, a life of being shy and at times afraid, earned a bachelor’s and master’s degree, was a single mother for many years, suffered ailments and sickness, wrote songs and murder mysteries, taught herself to play the piano, created and published an autism blog, and was a mother of three, and became a friend to many.

May you rest in peace, Jennifer! Thank you for your kindness and compassion and willingness to share your life with us. You are physically gone, but your memories and enormous smile still radiate through your written words and songs.

Jennifer and her famous smile

I am sure you continue your writing there without any hesitation or wondering what you should write about. It will now flow more easily, and we cannot wait to read all of it, especially your new murder-mysteries, now that you have met some very interesting characters!

Funerals: Special Times for Tributes, Celebrations of Life, and Healing

My wife and I recently attended a funeral of a good friend of ours, a father of six and only 49 years old. He died from complications of COVID-19. The events leading up to his death were sad. The family posted several times, requesting thoughts and prayers, which we gladly did. Then, early one morning, his wife posted a Facebook message came, informing all that he had passed away. 

Our hearts and minds were deluged with sadness for his family and the tumultuous time they had over the past few weeks, watching the gradual yet tragic decline of their husband and father. On Sunday evening, we went over for a candlelight vigil at their home. Many people attended, saddened and grieving, most with the question why?

We attended the funeral a week later on a beautiful Saturday morning. We thought we had arrived early, but there were so many people already there at the viewing, watching a video of his life, talking, and reminiscing. Funerals are like that. People from their past and present congregate to celebrate the life of the person who has died and give encouragement to the family and friends. 

This man’s funeral ran the gamut of many emotions—happiness, sadness, peace, spirituality, and positivity. Two of the daughters spoke about their father, their best friend, and confidant. We heard from his brother about his early life and his fight for his life at the beginning and growth and even his role as the family jokester and prankster. We learned of this man’s propensity to help people, no matter who they were or what they were doing. We cried, we laughed, we smiled, and we remembered him and the impact he had on all of our lives. 

During the funeral, I remembered my mother’s and father’s funerals and the kind words we received through music, talks, and private conversations. I remembered the poem I wrote when my mother died, and tears welled up in my eyes. At my father’s viewing, one of my childhood friends looked at me and said, “Now, we are both orphans.” Until that moment, I had not realized that true statement, now that both of my parents had passed. We talked about that and the support we had both received from so many people on that day we became orphans and the days and years since. 

Before my mother’s funeral, my little brother decided he would make my mother’s casket from oak. My brother and I helped him, and it took us a few days to construct, sand, and then stain. It was absolutely beautiful, and many people commented about how they would like one just like it. We knew she would have liked it. Constructing the casket took away some of the pain as we sanded away the bumps and other imperfections, making the wood smooth to the touch. That’s what people do at funerals. They are sometimes the sandpaper, giving us hope and smoothing out the sadness. For our family, people were so kind to us, even though we were already grown, and most of us had families of our own. 

I also remembered about two funerals that Noel Raymond and I officiated in Menan, Idaho, many years ago. The funerals were some of the saddest I had ever attended. The first one was for three children who had died instantly in a car crash as their father was rounding a corner and smashed into a cement embankment on late, dark, and chilly October evening. Hundreds of people came to the Church, sat in the pews, and were quiet, except for some crying and sniffling. I could hardly get through the conducting part because I was so sad, so devastated at the loss of my friends. 

The father could not attend because he was fighting for his life in the intensive care unit at the local hospital. The mother of the three sat stunned at the thoughts of the present and afraid for the future. One of her sons, an eight-year-old, still lay in a hospital room, with one of his legs amputated below the knee and the other one in jeopardy. The other two who survived the crash were there, confused, heads down, still wounded about the whole ordeal. 

Not a week later, we were back conducting the father’s funeral. Yet, there was a peace about it because of the overwhelming support of the friends of the family, even people who barely knew them. They had come together to support and to show peace and comfort through words, prayers, pats on the backs, hugs, and just thoughts that hovered in the air like comfort blankets. 

Overall, funerals are tributes to the deceased, celebrations of their lives, and times for healing and comfort for those who remain. Even though our friend had died, I again felt the comfort and reassurance of the plan of happiness that I so adamantly believe in, knowing that he and all the others will live again and become whole. This reassurance lifted me as I listened to the singing of hymns, the talks, the hilarious stories about him and his family, and the positivity from this family who had just lost their father and husband to the devastating COVID, which has taken millions and is not finished with us. 

Truly funerals are not supposed to be completely sad although death is a challenging concept to even understand. It is a time, though, for the family, the community, and friends to come together to remember the good and the positive and to celebrate the life of the person who has died. While sadness and sorrow still hover in the room, the glow from friends and compassion and love help dissipate the sadness and other emotions that course through the crowd. 

Funerals are like one of the daughters said, “Dad is probably laughing right now, saying, ‘Hey, it’s okay. I am fine. You are going to be fine. Besides, what it comes down to is love, true, honest love.”

Makayla Moody, Candidate, Miss Provo Competition

Makayla Moody

Interview with Makayla Moody, Candidate, Miss Provo Competition

Darrel Introduction: One of the highlights in the lives of young people is the competition in athletics, academics, drama, science fairs, and a host of other areas. One of the competitions coming up is the Miss Provo Competition, which is affiliated with the Miss America Organization.

I had the privilege of connecting with one of the candidates, Makayla Moody, from Provo, Utah. She was one of our missionaries who served in the California Riverside Mission.

Darrel: Makayla, I am so excited to talk to you to hear about and share your story. We enjoyed watching you grow and develop on your mission, and now you are extending yourself even more. Congratulations! What an exciting opportunity you have before you! For those who do not know you, please tell them a little about yourself.

Makayla: Thank you! I am currently a student at BYU studying psychology. I grew up Kaysville, Utah. I’m the second oldest of five children. I love listening to music as well as singing and playing the piano. In my free time, I can be found baking or sleeping. I have a major sweet tooth and almost always have some sort of sugar on hand. One day, I hope to own a horse, but first I have to learn how to actually ride it. My main goal in life is to find ways to help and serve others.

Darrel: What is the name of the competition you are a contestant in?

Makayla: The Miss Provo Competition.

Darrel: What is the history of this competition?

Makayla: The Miss Provo competition is part of the Miss America organization. Recently (I believe in 2018) they made a few changes, and now rather than being called a pageant, they call it a competition!

According to the Miss American website (https://www.missamerica.org/ ), “The Miss America Competition has a 100-year history of looking ahead! Miss America was the first competition to offer a talent category and soon after scholarship awards for young women to be able to go to college and further their education….The organization stands for empowering young women across the country to be the best they can be through leadership, talent, communication skills, and smarts.”

Darrel: I love the focus on “empowering young women across the country to be the best they can be through leadership, talent, communication skills, and smarts.” Is there a website where people can learn more about the Miss Utah Competition?

 

Makayla: Definitely! You can also check out the Miss Utah website although it doesn’t have as much information. https://missutah.org/

Darrel: What motivated you to decide to participate in the Miss Provo Competition?

Makayla: Recently, I have been trying to push myself and do things outside my comfort zone. This has been something I’ve thought about trying for the past few years but never actually went through with. After talking to a friend, who is the current Miss Provo, I decided that it could be a really great learning experience for me and a great opportunity to go outside my comfort zone.

Darrel: How does your family feel about you participating?

Makayla: My family is very excited about and supportive of my participation. They encourage me every day. When I initially talked to my mom about participating in the competition, she said, “I think that will be really good for you!” From then on, she has been very encouraging and helpful. I also talk to my mom periodically about my impact initiative and my plans about what I am going to do. I love running my ideas by her to capture her input.

Darrel: What does it take to become a participant? Paperwork? Interviews?

Makayla: There is not really too much to it. Anyone can participate as long as they meet the age and residency requirements. After that, you just need to show up to workshops and prepare for the events.

Darrel: Speaking of the events, what are the various components/events of the Miss Provo Competition?

Makayla: There are four main events in the competition. The first is a private interview with the judges that happens during the day of the competition. They ask questions based on your résumé and social impact initiative as well as current affairs. To start off the evening events, there is a big dance number with all contestants involved. Then, the first event of the evening is the talent portion where each candidate performs a 90-second talent of their choice. The next event is the on-stage question and answer, which, in reality, is a continuation of the interview we had during the day. Plus, during this onstage question period, the contestants discuss their social impact initiative. The final event is the red carpet. This is where you get to dress up and show the judges how well you present yourself.

Darrel: Sound pretty intense. Which of the components do you feel the most comfortable doing? Why

Makayla: I feel most comfortable with the talent portion. I have spent a lot of time practicing and performing over the years, so it is something that I am pretty used to.

Darrel: What about the event you feel least comfortable with? Why?

Makayla: I feel least comfortable with the interview and onstage question. This is an area where I feel very underqualified, and it gives me the most anxiety.

Darrel: How are you preparing for this event?

Makayla: I am preparing by staying up to date on current issues, practicing interviews, and practicing my talent.

Darrel: How much time are you dedicating to the competition and is the preparation a daily routine

Makayla: First of all, I dedicate about 7-8 hours a week. And, yes, preparation is a daily routine. I practice piano daily and work on interview prep every day.

Darrel: How do the Miss Provo Competition organizers help prepare you to participate?

Makayla: They hold weekly workshops that help all the candidates prepare for each of the events. They teach us interview skills, help us refine our resumes and social impact statements, and make sure we are prepared for the event.

Darrel: Please tell us a little about the participants.

Makayla: There are ten of us right now. All of us had to fill out an application. The amazing part of the application process is that anyone who wants to participate can as long as they meet the criteria such as being single, being between 18 years up to 24 years old, and meeting the Provo residency requirement. Some of the candidates have gone to school; others have graduated from college; some are working; and others are still attending school. Overall, it is definitely a commitment, and all ten of these young women are very committed.

Darrel: How are you feeling right now about the Miss Provo Competition?

Makayla: I am feeling kind of nervous and overwhelmed but excited at the same time.

Darrel: What excites you most and the least about the pageant Why?

Makayla: I’m excited to try something that I have always wanted to do. I think it will be a great learning and growing experience and will be something that will bless my life. The least has to be because I’m not excited for the nerves and doubt that I know will come up throughout this process.

Darrel: Makayla, knowing you have lots of talents, which one are you going to use for your talent in this competition?

Makayla: I will be performing Chopin’s Etude in c minor on the piano.

Darrel: What do you hope to gain and/or learn from participating?

Makayla: I hope to gain confidence and new life skills such as interviewing and presenting myself in professional situations. Through this process, I am gaining more confidence. Sometimes I wonder whether I am really qualified to do this. Sometimes I think I need to be a certain way or a certain person. What I have really discovered is that I just need to be myself, and that’s what I am trying to do.

Darrel: What leadership qualities come from participating?

Makayla: One of the leadership skills I am learning is how to present myself in a professional manner. Plus, we all learn how to interact with others and how to share what you believe and support. Another important aspect of participating is learning how to look at a certain political situation and see both sides of it.

Darrel: Everyone talks about winning this or that and that winning is important in everything. What would it mean to you to “win”? This question really gets to the heart of “what is winning” in your eyes.

Makayla: To win the title of Miss Provo would be amazing! It is a wonderful opportunity to serve in the community and promote something that you are passionate about. However, I think that just being able to participate is a big win for me. A win for me would be to take away the new skill sets and friendships associated with the process. My biggest win would be being able to challenge myself and face some of my fears and overcoming them. Being able to look back and be able to say that I did it will be worth more than any crown.

Darrel: One of the events is your social impact initiative. What does that entail for you and why did you decide to choose your topic?

Makayla: The title of my social impact initiative is “Embracing Imperfection.” I would like to focus on helping people escape the “shoulds” and “shouldn’ts” we place on ourselves in order to be seen as perfect within the societal definitions of perfect. I want to help people feel like they can truly be themselves without constantly worrying about keeping up appearances or what others might think. I chose this because it is something that affects many people and something that really resonates with me as someone who struggles with perfectionism.

Darrel: What would you say to all the young women who think they would like to participate in this or other pageants/competitions but feel they “do not have what it takes”?

Makayla: What I would say to all of the young women who may be contemplating participating in something similar or participating in anything new is this: If you want to do it, then go for it! Not all of us will “win” the competition, but I know, like I said before, that when we face our challenges and fears and overcome them, that’s what is the most important to me and should be the most important to anyone who participates.

Darrel: When is this competition scheduled and where?

Makayla: It is scheduled for September 24, 2021, 7:00 p.m. at the Covey Center, which is located in beautiful downtown Provo.

Darrel: Makayla, so many thanks for sharing with us your thoughts and feelings about being one of the candidates in the Miss Provo Competition. We wish you and all the candidates good luck. We know you will do well.

Makayla: Thank you! I am looking forward to it.