Monday, November 30, 2020

Finding focus and clarity in your life.


Finding focus and clarity in your life

Introduction 

Have you been at a loss lately to find your focus and clarity in your life? During these times of both challenges and marvels, we tend to wonder where our focus is and whether there is any clarity in our lives. What cannot happen is that we give up and fade off into oblivion in our lives, just getting up or even not getting up in the morning and mopping around the house, always wishing things would change but doing nothing about it.

The following seven principles/suggestions are (almost) surefire ways of finding focus and clarity. The (almost) comes in if you read them, force a big yawn, and do nothing about your focus or clarity. If you want to do something to help, read on. Even if you have an inkling you want to do better, read it twice.

Always look holistically at everything (Focus on the big picture!) 

The challenge emerges when we do not look and focus on the big picture—your future. Yes, there are lots of details in anything that we do. The rub comes when we focus only on the details and get lost in the minutia. It is like climbing into one of those deep pits full of little balls, red and blue, trying to find just the few blue ones and submerge ourselves into the balls. All else fades into darkness, and we cannot tell the blue ones from the red ones. The safe bet is to lift up your heads and scan the entire area. Seeing holistically will always keep your mind and eyes open to the realm of possibilities. It’s ultimately like standing on a high mountain on clear day and seeing forever in any direction. Ah, the beauty of a holistic view! Make sure your future is always in your sights.

Accept that you can succeed 

One of the key ingredients in the acceptance thing is understanding that you can overcome challenges. Sure, there will always be a boatload of challenges that seem to dock in your path, some by your own choices, others because some people place them there, and still a few others that just seem to appear out of nowhere and try to sabotage you. You just need to accept those challenges and know that with patience and diligence, you will succeed. The marvelous thought that should come to you is that you can succeed because you choose to succeed.

Determine what you really to do 

Some of us spend too much time weighing a zillion things we can do or must do. While it is important to spend time thinking about things, at some point you have to determine what you really want to do or what needs to be done. I know a person who says I need to do this, but the moment she begins to walk to get that thing done, she gets distracted by some other thing that needs to be completed. Consequently, nothing gets done, and then she complains that she did not finish what she started to do. So, sit down, place all of the things you need to do and want to do, write them down, and then prioritize through planning.

Plow forward with all effort 

Once you determine what you want to do, just begin doing it by plowing forward with all effort. I have discovered that once you climb out of your shell or lethargy and just begin, you will find that it is exhilarating to be out and about doing what you have determined to do. There is something invigorating about accomplishing what you have determined to do. Just keep moving forward, no matter what. At times, you may not be able to go as fast, but continue to plow forward.



Take advantage of the tools around you 

Knowing that you can succeed is enhanced by utilizing the tools that surround you. So, what are those tools? Most of the time we cannot really do things by ourselves—even brushing our teeth. We do need a toothbrush, toothpaste, and usually a mirror. Succeeding is attending that class that will help us, or some reading material off the web or checked out from the library, or that free seminar offered by one of our colleagues or someone in the same business group—a snippet here, a bit of information there. Don’t be shy about using it to help you become even more focused and clear about you and your goals and aspirations. Just gather the tools up as you go. Don’t forget, though, to share your tools with others.

Be positive and stick to it 

Of course, when the challenges do come—and they will come, usually in bunches—you will need to be positive and stay positive. Now, this means a bit of pragmatism and reality need to align. The pragmatic person sees things in a realistic way because they know that things happen. That’s just the way it is. When you align pragmatism with positivity, you gain a sense of stick-to-it-ness. You truly understand that things will happen, and your positivity will propel you forward beyond that negativity. Period.

Utilize mentors—i.e. Let appropriate people help you 

One of the important things to stay focused is find a mentor or two who can help you stay on track. There really are lots of people who want to help you. True mentors will help people. I am not saying that you have to call them every single day to “check in.” Most mentors are there when you need them. They are not a crutch for you. Rather, they help boost you forward, giving you wings and motivation to go and do. Then, when someone asks you for help, please reciprocate. You will feel both ennobled and enabled.

Conclusion 

Focusing on what you need to do and doing it will always bring clarity to your tasks. Often, the clarity is so transparent you may think it is a newly cleaned window that allows you to see farther than you have ever seen. If the dimness ever re-emerges, quickly take the effective, more focused and holistic view of things and the lucidity will engulf you.




 

 

Monday, November 2, 2020

Are you ready to be a first-time parent?

Not long ago, I was visiting with two of our friends who were preparing for their first baby reveal about what first-time parents ought to know before the baby comes and even after. They were curious as to what to expect. I told them I would do a little research.

So, what does one do to research this information? You ask experienced parents, especially those who just had a baby! I used Facebook as my research tool and posted this question: “What would be your top three things/principles first-time parents ought to know?”

I was pleasantly surprised at the diversity of answers I received from recent first-time parents, parents with eight children, and grandparents. Once I read and reviewed the information, I have categorized them in 15 categories, directly from other parents and grandparents who have been in your shoes.

Here they are, first-time parents:

Love them

This was the number one answer for most respondents. A father of twins, Carl, said, “Recognize that love is infinite and grows with each child.” It will be really challenging not to love your new baby. I remember seeing Anna Rose and Hailey, our daughters, for the first time after they were born, and we loved them instantly. In actuality, though, the moment you find out that your spouse is going to have a baby your love begins and grows and grows. According to Amy, a mother of several daughters and one son, “Be prepared to love like you’ve never loved before….Babies also need to FEEL love and lots of it.”

Do your very best.

The one thing most everyone agreed on is this: You are going to make mistakes. I know that is a challenging concept to accept, but it is the truth. Do not worry about the “should-have-done-it-this-way.” There really are lots of correct ways, many of them you will learn along the way. Your child will love you even though may make a mistake. They probably will not realize it. Just move on from that mistake and do what you know you need to do. Great parenting comes from doing your best and improving every day.

Relax and enjoy the experience.

One mother Kristen astutely wrote, “If you have to choose between a nap and a shower, it’s okay to choose the nap.” Joanne, my wonderful wife, wrote: “Take time to record the memories.” Write in your journal or even buy a journal or a baby book for your baby and record the moments. Often, you will be holding your new baby in the new rocking chair or recliner, and all you want to do is just hold the baby, nothing else. That is okay. There will be a constant nagging in the back of your mind that there are things to be done. These times will not last forever. Just sit back and enjoy that sweet baby.

Understand that every baby is different.

Sandra, one of my high school classmates, reminisced, “I thought I knew everything until I had my 8th child. She was nothing like the rest. It was like starting completely over!” Focus on your child and know they will be different than the rest of your children and anyone else’s. There is nothing wrong with that. Some will need more cuddling than others; some will drink more milk; others may cry more or smile more or….a thousand other differences. Be accepting of those differences.

Seek to establish a family-centered child and not a child-center family.

Another mother Kandi gave this counsel. “The family is truly the center, not necessarily the children. The children need to learn to be part of a family and have responsibilities and consequences. Amazingly, when we work as a family team, everyone learns their role and how to grow and develop their talents with the help of their siblings.” Yes, it is easy to just focus on just your baby and nothing else. Please create the environment so they know they are part of a family, even an extended family.

Know that you can never prepare enough but “tis enough.”

Because of the inordinate number of books, the Internet, etc., you will have lots of first-time parent material to read and ponder. But when the little one arrives, it is as if you did not read or listen to a word. You look at your baby and say, maybe a wee bit exasperated, “I have no idea what to do!” Well, that is truly a frustrating moment. We were the same way. We had read the books, but we felt so unprepared. But the moment Anna Rose, our first, was placed in Joanne’s arms, she knew exactly what to do. That mother instinct kicked in immediately. It was a marvel to watch. One father, Chris, a young man we knew in Miles City, Montana, said, “Nobody is ever truly ready for the first children. There are lots of trials by fire….experience is the best teacher.” Just remember: You will be enough.

Be prepared to be tired, probably even exhausted.

Many mothers responded how tiring it was being a first-time mother. One of the grandmothers who responded, Therese, commented: “It’s okay if you don’t get the dishes done after each meal. Try to relax.” Babies are time consuming. With diapers, feeding, changing their clothes, holding them, just watching them, etc. takes time and great amounts of energy. These new babies are literally 24/7 beings and need attention all the time. You will be tired. So, take time and rest when they are resting. Do not think you have to do all these things while they are resting. Rest when they rest!

Listen to some advice but not all of it.

Once you announce you are going to have a baby, the advice and counsel will be delivered to you in dump trucks and several data dumps in your email box, Messenger, text, and other social media sources. Listen to some of it, but do not listen to all of it. There are thousands and thousands of books on parenting—some good, some bad, some mediocre. One mother, Nicole, wrote: “Listen to your own parental instincts rather than what your family, friends, Google, or the latest parenting book tells you….Find what works for YOU and your child.”

Know you are still an individual.

Sometimes first-time parents feel they lose their identity with a new baby in the home. People coo over the babies, bring them gifts, and then—maybe—they say something to the parents and ask them how they are doing. Jennifer, a mother of an autistic child, wisely wrote: “Don't forget to take time every day to do something that makes you, YOU. Take a bath, read a book, write in your journal. Maybe you'll only get five minutes, but it's five minutes where you get to be completely yourself.” The key is that you still have an identity, and it also needs to be fed.

Do not be afraid of what you are about to do.

There is always a fear that lingers prior to your first-born coming. Some sound advice comes from Brandy, a mother of three boys: “Give yourself more patience than criticism.” A fairly new mother, Candace, wrote: “Having children will change you in a way you never imagined. It will bring the worst and best out of you leaving—hopefully—a more perfect person full of compassion, understanding, patience, and charity.” If you enter this phase of life with fear, it will dissipate if you remember why you decided to have a baby. Yes, changes will occur. Yes, your body and emotions change. The key hinges, though, on knowing that these little ones will help us learn new lessons, help us grow and mature, and develop in positive ways. Thus, do not be afraid; rather, be anticipatory and grow from this incredible experience.

Do not compare yourself to other moms and the corollary is do not compare your children to other children.

Every child is different, yours included. Our oldest did not walk until she was 14 months old. We wondered what was wrong with her—what was wrong with us! She was bright, she could say a few words, she was attentive, but she did not walk. One day at Church, she was standing by her mother and me, holding on to both of my hands and watching the other kids her age and younger walking. She looked at them and then at us, let go of my hands, and began walking. Just. Like. That. One mother from Springville, Utah, Natalie, wrote: “You are the perfect parents for your children. Be your best self for your kids and don’t worry what other parents are doing.”

Read and talk to your children often.

One of my former basketball players, Darcy, said, “Talk to your babies a lot when they are little. Then, when they can talk, listen to everything they want to talk about. When they become teens, they will be more likely to talk to you when they need your help.” We loved reading with and to our children. When Joanne was in the hospital for two months when she was pregnant with our oldest, I read the Hobbit to both of them, Joanne in the hospital and Anna Rose in the womb. When Anna Rose began to grow, she loved being read to and still loves the Hobbit.

Remember to do the basics.

Several respondents reminded us of the basics of first-time parents. Leonr from Puerto Rico shared some counsel from her pediatrician daughter: “If you feed your baby with a bottle, don’t lay him/her down with the bottle of milk against a pillow because this may cause ear infections. Try to keep his head raised.” Many said, “Buy lots of diapers and burp cloths.” Pam wrote: “Pray every day for patience, kindness, love, safety, acceptance, help, strength, courage.”

Be the best father.

As first-time fathers, we know that it is the mothers who seem to do the bulk of the work with the babies. Be cognizant of that and try to help in any way you can. Do the housework, wash the dishes, put in a few loads of laundry. Do not wait to be asked. Also, you may want to take some time after the baby is down for a nap or right after they go to sleep and just rubbed your wife’s feet, back, shoulders, etc. Be attentive and observant to her needs. Remember: If it is your wife’s challenge, it is your challenge, too. This baby is yours together.  

Your life will change.

Starting a family will change you, and you may never be the same. Amy, one of the moms, counseled, “Nothing can really prepare you for the ways your life and your heart will never be the same. It’s also the hardest thing and can be quite overwhelming. You will experience sleep deprivation, hormonal changes, self-doubt and if you’re breastfeeding, this can be extremely painful and difficult, but you will know how to love them because that comes naturally.” But as a new father, Joseph, wrote: “You and your spouse may be sleep deprived, but as long as you support each other, take every opportunity to rest, keep an eye on each other’s emotions, you will learn to enjoy every moment.” Thus, change can be a learning experience.

Conclusion:

Overall, being first-time parents can be challenging, yes, even hard at times. But the counsel that a OBGYN doctor, Liz (our niece), gave is profound: “It’s easy to look back on your life with young kids with rose-colored glasses and wish about all the things you ‘should have done’ and offer advice. Despite this when you are in it all the work still needs to get done and a lot of the time it’s hard. It’s ok that it’s hard, it’s ok that you hate it some days, it’s ok to be unhappy and not want to ‘relish’ every all-nighter, diaper explosion, tantrum, etc. Do your best, love them and know that they won’t be small forever, and eventually you’ll be able to look back with your rose-colored glasses and think that it wasn’t that hard.”

We wish you well, first-time parents. Do your best! And remember that you are you and will do just fine. Please have some fun being a first-time parent. 

Good luck!

Monday, October 19, 2020

Who are emerging leaders and are they easy to spot?

 Who are emerging leaders and are they easy to spot?

You could say I have been around a bit in leadership circles and roles, mostly in higher education, particularly community colleges and universities with community college roles and missions. Consequently, I have seen, helped, and mentored my share of people who I would classify as emerging leaders. 

For the past decade or more, a few questions have bounced around: “Who are emerging leaders? And how can we help them propel themselves forward?” I will answer only the first question and save the second question for another essay.

First, who are emerging leaders and are they easy to spot? In many ways they are. Some of them are already serving in leadership positions, some rounding off their edges, yet they possess a sense of vigilance and a willingness to learn and to grow. I have chosen just seven attributes or characteristics to help us recognize these emerging leaders:

They are influencers.

Now, some of emerging leaders may know they are influencers in a formal way, but many more are influencers in an informal way. This means that they do not try to impress. It just happens naturally by the way they say things or do things. They show up, full blown, ready to go every single day. They are consistent and persistent in all that they do, and they rise to the top by natural transition by creating, participating in, and seeking opportunities for themselves to grow and develop.

They are contributors.

They are ones you see asking good questions, questions that stimulate growth or show that they have done their homework before they ask the question. They are powerfully patience in their contributions throughout the organization. They do not force themselves on others or talk over other people to get their point across. They know when to contribute appropriately and strategically, and their contributions move the company and the conversation along in a positive way.

They are smart and exude a bit of savvy about what is happening.

These days it seems that everyone exhibits “smartness” or “intelligence” in a variety of areas. While some people exhibit these qualities, it does not mean that they know what to do with their smartness and intelligence. To me, emerging leaders exude a judiciousness about how they incorporate their smartness and intelligence in their normal, everyday actions. Gratuitous exhibition does not become them. Rather, these emerging leaders show it through ingenuity and conversation and the actual doing what needs to be done.

They are excited about coming to work and staying engaged.

Too many people are lethargic about coming to work and staying engaged in what we are trying to accomplish. Emerging leaders stay excited and motivated about the doings of the organization. They may not be the perennial show horse who comes to work all prim and proper although they may look good because they focus on what needs to be done instead of how they look. They possess a sense of energy all day long, perhaps even being the light that that shines on everyone as they are engaged in doing real work.


They are willing to go beyond the daily mundane.

Emerging leaders seek opportunities to show what they can do. There are those in our lives—past and present—who always ask for extra credit. While I am not one to give extra credit, I do believe if you can do the work, then just do it. The emerging leaders who go beyond the daily mundane do it because they have chosen to excel and want to become better, not necessarily because of the credit or accolades they may receive. They possess an internal guide that propels them forward in all that they do. They look forward to going beyond what is being asked of them. Their work ethic is impeccable.

They work in teams and often emerge as leaders of those teams.

Emerging leaders like to work in teams and implicitly understand the various roles in a team. They do not dominate the conversation or try to persuade everyone to come to their side. It is a natural progression as they rise to the occasion. By choice, the people in their groups tend to look to them because they trust them. Their groups tend to coalesce and become one, and their projects have positive trappings and show great thought, creativity, and resourcefulness.

They leave a trail of good and positivity behind them.

There are those so called leaders who advance but leave behind a wake of negativity and workplace debris—people whom they stepped on and over, projects that others did but they took credit for, and a sense of “we-are-glad-he/she-is gone-from-this-organization.” Exceptional emerging leaders leave their last position in better shape than the found it. People moan their departure because of what they have done and how they treated others. Emerging leaders understand culture and try with all their might and mind to leave behind a culture that wishes them well and welcomes them back anytime. When emerging leaders do this and they move from one successful position to another, they can always call back, ask for help, and never be turned down or away. They gain allies wherever they go, and they never forget where they came from.

Now, there are many, many more qualities that may define an emerging leader, but these are the ones that have impressed me over the past several years. I have watched these types of leaders transition nicely from just pools of people to upper leadership in organizations because of their persistence and personality to do what needs to be done. While not one attribute completely defines emerging leaders, a combination of many create and propel emerging leaders to the top of leadership circles. 

Darrel L. Hammon, Ph.D.


Monday, October 5, 2020

Free, free, free—Knowledge. Bring your own containers!

“Free, free, free—Knowledge. Bring your own containers,” so reads a poster hanging on a wall in Jaime Escalante’s classroom (Escalante’s life was portrayed in the movie Stand and Deliver). Although some of the information we need to be successful is not free, what’s so amazing in today’s society is the torrential amount of information out there, something to the tune of doubling every 18 months or even more rapidly in many areas. 

Knowledge flows so quickly, equally dramatically as well as undramatically, that it is there for the gathering. It seems everyone is willing—or appears to be willing—to share his or her knowledge with us. Of course, you have to be careful about the information posted. 


Like baby birds in a nest, sometimes all we have to do is open our mouths (our personal containers), and knowledge plops in almost effortlessly and faster than we are able to digest it. Knowledge is prolific and constantly flowing, and intriguing questions emerge from the flow: 
  • How are we dealing with the information? 
  • Is it overwhelming us? 
  • Are we ignoring it, or should we be paying attention to it? 
  • Are we taking advantage of it? 
  • Is it relevant to us now and even in the future? 
  • How often does the information change in our field? 
  • Is it true and does it come from a reliable source? 
I believe each question may have a great or grave consequence to each of us. Taking advantage of this new information will enlighten us and help us become more productive and successful in the marketplace. 

Consider the following five areas of “filling your containers” and answering these questions: 

1. Research what is happening in your marketplace/product area. 
In every business sector, someone is researching something for somebody to gain, hopefully, the market edge. Of course, you must ask yourself: Do the research results parallel my own market analysis or do I need to do one myself? Or do I need more training in certain aspects of the business? Keeping current with the research is, at best, difficult to do, even if you have someone working full time just keeping tabs on the pulse of the information. Nonetheless, knowing what is going on in your market and how you will deal with it is imperative to your future survival.  

2. Capture the newest, the best, and the most reliable information. 
While there is a constant surging flow of information, some of it may not be pertinent to you and your market. It may not be true or even reliable. After you have identified the reliable sources for the information, then decide the most appropriate information for you. Having a “jaundiced eye” will keep you from pursuing information not relevant to your mission. Being on the “cutting edge” is always nice, especially if you want to be ahead of the game, but be sure to validate the information to be on the cutting edge and getting cut by it. 

3. Implement the new information. 
You have done the research. You know the best information possible. You send your employees or yourself to be trained in the new information. Now is the time to implement the new information/ techniques and see if all your research will pay off. Implementation may be the scariest part although you should be moderately confident you have done your homework. 

4. Assess how the information works. 
Most companies are constantly assessing and reassessing the process of how they do a particular component of their business. They are objective enough to understand when a process works or does not work and either dumping the “container of information” altogether or readjusting the information to fit their current operation. Whatever the case may be, make sure you are striving for continuous improvement. 

5. Continue the cycle. 
Part of any cycle is continuously running through the process and completing it all over again and monitoring it at every step. A continuous effort in capturing the best information from the most appropriate and reliable sources; converting that information to tangible, concrete answers for your business and clients; continually assessing to see what impact the information had on your company, both short term and long term; and starting the process all over again—all these constitute a visionary yet practical process of remaining competitive. 

If all else fails, remember Jaime Escalante and always keep an open container with you. You will never know when the right information may emerge, and you will need to lean over and pluck some new tidbit of information from the roaring river of data. Don’t worry if you fall in. There are lots of handholds along the way that can help you out or catch you from drowning. Just catch a hold, haul yourself out of the torrential tides, and move forward. Of course, as you dry out, you will have time to reflect your future. 

Good luck filling those containers.



Thursday, August 20, 2020

Love, Lift, Lead, Inspire, and Invite— Five Basic Leadership Principle to Guide Your Life

Love, Lift, Lead, Inspire, and Invite—

Five Basic Leadership Principle to Guide Your Life

 My wife and I just finished a three-year mission for our Church. We both took hiatuses from our jobs to serve because we were asked to do it. We served as a mission president and spouse with over 500 young men and women, ages 18-26, some of the brightest, most talented, and most incredible young men and women on the planet earth.

We planned, developed, and delivered a plethora of trainings, from basic spiritual principles to self-awareness and self-mastery principles to leadership principles for current and emerging leaders. Plus, I interviewed all missionaries every six weeks and some more often than that to see how they were doing with these principles. I have watched them grow and develop into incredible emerging leaders.

So, what did I learn about leadership from serving with these young people as I watched them develop their skill sets?

 While we learned many, many leadership principles over the three years, let me begin with just five basic principles that really are enormous and life-changing in the long run and will form a firm and solid foundation in our lives if we abide by them: Love, Lift, Lead, Inspire, and Invite.

Love

I am not talking about romantic love. I am talking about love for your fellow men and women, your colleagues, and your jobs. If you do not love these things, you will become disinterested in doing the right things or failing to help others grow and progress or even withdrawing from reaching out to others because you focus too much on yourself and your own well-being. We learned that focusing and serving others (remember the servant-leadership conversations you have had along the way?) will propel you out of your self-absorption and into seeing how you can help others, thus propelling you forward onto a happier, more confident level.

Lift

You must lift others where they are. A former airline pilot and executive and now a ecclesiastical leader once said, “You must lift where you stand” (see https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2008/10/lift-where-you-stand?lang=eng). That counsel is for every leader, no matter where you are on the rung of leadership. As you lift others from where they are, you must be on higher ground. I believe that each time you lift others from where they are, you lift yourself even further. Once you lift yourself and others, you each see higher ground, gain a greater view of where you are going, and ultimately see more holistically your surroundings and your environment.

Lead

Leaders lead by example—a positive example. They do not push. They do not yank people around. They are not passive-aggressive. They do not cajole. They do not yell or scream. They do not hide things from others. They are not mean and nasty. They are not better than anyone else. Rather, they are honest and good. They are open. They involve everyone in decision making. They see people in a positive way. They exude happiness and positivity. Most importantly, they lead others to do the right things. Of course, to lead others, you must learn self-mastery by leading yourself in the right direction. Interestingly, when you lead by example, people will follow you because they trust you because you showed them love and concern and even compassion, and you have lifted them along the way and continue to lift them to do the right things. By leading by example, you help people become better, more than what they thought they could ever become.

Inspire

Inspiring people does not necessarily come by standing on the pedestal all by yourself, arms outstretched, and shouting convincing words to those in the audience. That may inspire them for a moment. The lasting inspiration that helps people more comes by what you do and say and think and how you positively and successfully involve them in the process. Doers of good always gain followers and inspire them to good things. You see, goodness oozes out of great leaders into everything that they do, and people want to feel this goodness or this inspiration because it makes them want to be better. They want to do things so they can feel the same goodness. Thus, their inspiration to do better, to be become better, comes from being inspired by you through your example.

Invite

The last of the five basic leadership principles is inviting others to do what needs to be done, even the most challenging tasks. We can all remember bosses who yelled at us, maybe called us a few names that singed our ears, bosses who instilled in us the fear of God if we did not do something. Even when we did good things, they were not happy with us. We did not like to be around them and sought for jobs to get away from them. The key, then, is to invite people to do things in a kind, gracious way. If you have loved them, lifted them from some doldrums or quandary to new heights, led them in the right direction before, and inspired them by what you have done, they will do whatever you invite them to do because they trust you and want to continue to grow and develop. They have been inspired by you and your example!

While there are so many more principles of leadership—some I will write about later—these five simple ones will help you establish a strong foundation for being a good leader and propel you on to become even a greater leader. Promise! 

Darrel L. Hammon, Ph.D.

August 2020