I grew up in a small Idaho farming community, population 596, where pretty much everyone knew everyone. In my youth, I visited Utah, Yellowstone National Park, Oklahoma and Glacier National Park, and that’s pretty much it. I had chores; milked a cow; fed chickens, pigs and horses; worked on my Uncle’s and friend’s farms; moved sprinkler pipe; mowed lawns; and sold nightcrawlers to fishermen.
In reality, I didn’t get out much. I wasn’t necessarily shy, per se. Perhaps, the better word was a bit naïve about life in general. Then, something tremendous happened: I served a two-year mission for my Church in southern Chile, about 6,000-plus miles away from my home. It propelled me to climb out of my shell and “be up and doing!”
Since then, I have lived, worked and served in a variety of states and the Caribbean (Dominican Republic). I have had to be up and doing to survive and thrive in all these situations.
So, what helped me climb out of my shell? Here are six approaches that helped me:
1. First, I changed my mindset.
The question is: “How do I move from where I am to where I need to be?” For me, moving from a small community to a country like Chile with a different culture and language was absolutely mind-boggling. I really didn’t know the language, although I spent two months full time in a very intensive Spanish program. It was a shock when we landed to hear people speak so quickly. I turned to my companion and said, “Are you sure we are in the right country?” From that day, I was determined to learn the language, the culture, love the people, and do my very best. My mindset changed to focus on what I was asked to do, and I just did it. Consequently, I elevated my thoughts to where I need to be, and I continue to elevate them—all because I changed my mindset at the beginning of the experience.
2. I was willing to learn new things.
To improve yourself, no matter what the situation, you must be willing to learn new things. I am a proponent of “lifelong learning” because that’s what I have done over the years. In essence, I believe you are either progressing or retrogressing. There is no such thing as stagnation. You are either improving or taking a step back. Being a lifelong learner does not necessarily mean that you are working on degrees your entire life; rather, it means that you learn something new each day, week, month or even year. You can learn a new language, a new software program, how to write well, how to become a better coach/mentor, how to watercolor, and even how to make your bed each morning before you leave the house. Be willing to learn. Seek learning opportunities. Most progressive companies offer great training and educational benefits to enhance your skills. If you work for a business, take advantage!
3. I did things I had never done before.
I think of everything I had to do when I lived in Chile I had never done before—ride a bus, walk everywhere I went, learn a new language and culture, talk to everyone I met, use an umbrella, eat food that was definitely foreign (delicious, though!). Since I decided to change my mindset and to learn new things, it was easier for me to move forward and try things I had never done. I did my best not to worry about it. I just did them, and it became part of my DNA. Yes, there were some things I never ate again. I learned how to read a bus map. I just did what I needed to do, knowing that I would become a better person for doing it.
4. I learned from my not-so-good choices.
I confess: All choices I have made over time were not good, although most were. One major faux paus happened when I first began driving a truck during potato harvest. Being from Idaho, that’s what you did during potato harvest: pick potatoes, work on a potato combine, work in the cellar, or drive a truck once you had your driver’s license, which I obtained during my freshman year of high school. I was going up to gas up—in this case diesel up. I was not paying close enough attention and took the turn that led to the diesel pump, which was a big barrel on stilts, a little closer than I should have and clipped the pump’s nozzle, spinning diesel fuel all over the truck and ground. By the time we got it stopped, I was soaked in diesel and filled with remorse and guilt because of my stupidity. Thankfully, the owner of the farm was tolerant and kinder than he should have been. The result was I was much more careful and have tried to be a very astute and conscientious driver ever since then—no matter what I am driving.
5. I used mentors along the way to help me through the challenging times.
Mentors are life savers. My first companion in the mission field was exceptional! He had been a standout athlete at his school, spoke Spanish really well, walked amazingly fast, and taught me how to study and learn in ways I never thought imaginable. Despite a mere 1.5-year age difference, he was a giant in my eyes. The rest of my mission was patterned after how he taught me. Other mentors along the way helped me see things differently, asked tough questions, guided me through some challenging times, and offered counsel and advice that ultimately motivated me to do even better. I have taken what they have taught me and applied it in my own tutoring, mentoring and coaching. It has just aligned with me.
6. Finally, and most importantly, I relied on my family, particularly my wife.
To be honest, I married way up! My wife Joanne has been a saint. I am not the easiest person to live with, but her patience and kindness have helped me in all aspects of my life. During every degree program, she constantly supported me and reviewed every essay/article I ever wrote. During my dissertation writing, I wrote for hours every day for weeks. She would stop in to see how I was doing, reviewed and commented on what I had written, made delicious meals, and went on weekly dates with me just to make sure I saw the light of day and forgot about the challenges with writing and doing research for a dissertation. For that, I owe my all to her and my family.
Overall, the key to climbing out of your shell is to “be up and doing.” Changing your mindset, learning to do new and sometimes challenging things you have never done before, and utilizing great mentors along the way, particularly your family, are keys to success. It definitely will take great patience, persistence and diligence to continually move forward, with a few steps backwards here and there. But just keep moving in the direction where you want to go, and you will make it—eventually!
Read the entire March 2025 Transformation Coaching Magazine here: https://transformationmag.com/tcm-march-2025. My article is on pp. 24-27.
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