Recently, I published this article at
FamilyShare.com. I am republishing it here.
Today,
one could talk to 100 parents about things to talk to teens about and probably
receive 100 topics, all well-meaning and appropriate. But there are five that
seem to stand out that parents need to spend a bit more time on as their
children grow up and especially when their children reach the teen years:
relationships, respect of self and others, learning, financial habits and
values.
1.
Relationships
Perhaps
one of the most challenging topics to discuss with anyone, particularly teens,
is relationships. Relationships come in several sizes — personal, friendships,
professional, sexual, spiritual and emotional. How teens handle these
relationships can boost or damage oneself, sometimes over time or
instantaneously.
While
some people believe they are free to do whatever they want in relationships, a
simple decision to lower personal standards or do things you wouldn’t normally
do can dictate a destructive path you never would have chosen. Relationships
can help create happiness in your life or snuff out any happiness that might
exist. While parents have had many experiences with relationships, their
experiences sometimes don’t matter to their teens. On the other hand, if teens
would listen to their parents and others, their lives might be much easier.
Often, though, teens must learn the hard way. But we know that teaching teens
to develop healthy and uplifting relationships will create and establish more
wholesome and solid relationships.
2.
Respect of self and others
This
is a topic that parents should begin teaching their children from a very young
age. Granted, teaching respect of self and others is layered differently when
your youngster is six rather than 13 or 14 or even older. In his book,
"Standing for Something: 10 Neglected Virtues That Will Heal Our Hearts
and Homes," Gordon B. Hinckley, a highly respected religious leader,
wrote, “Respect for self is the beginning of cultivating virtue in men and
women.”
Part
of respecting oneself and others also hinges on understanding that you are the
puppeteer of your own life. Letting people take advantage of you will not help
you grow and progress. Part of any parental conversation has to hinge on
helping teens understand who they are and why and that differences in others
are mere differences. Seeing people for who they are and not being judgmental
about them can enhance respect for self and for others.
3.
Learning
Very
few things are more important than helping your teens understand that learning,
not just education, is important. As young people enter their teens, the
questions emerge from all sides: What are you going to do when you grow up?
Where are you going to college? What will you be studying? And a host of
others. During the teen years is the time to explore options. Many junior and
high schools are connecting with local community colleges and universities to
develop “pathways,” a year-by-year plan to help young people become better
prepared for when they enter college.
Parents
should encourage their teens to take advantage of field trips to colleges and
businesses, volunteering assignments, internships, mentoring, and other
opportunities to test the field. People who obtained postsecondary education
make more money, live fuller and even longer lives and possess a sense of
growth and personal awareness. Learning does not stop at high school
graduation. Rather, it is a lifetime pursuit.
4.
Financial habits
The
world is in need of definite financial literacy. Parents can truly help their
teens by instilling in them good financial literacy skills and habits. Talking
to teens early about good financial habits will save them a ton of headaches
later in their lives. In fact, it’s never too early to begin talking financial
management with your children. Start with a savings account when they are young
and suggest that they save at least 50 percent or more of any earnings or money
gifts they receive. Part of financial literacy is teaching teens the value of
money. When they hit the teen years (maybe even before) take them to the bank
and have your banker talk about accounts — savings, checking, etc. Putting
young people on budgets is a good thing. Many youth begin early, earning or
receiving some type of money, and they need direction. By teaching teens about
the challenges with credit and the value of paying for things with cash and
making payment on time will only strengthen their financial management.
5.
Values
Parents
need to teach values to their teens. And there is a boatload: generosity,
honesty, integrity, gratitude, respect, tolerance, faith, service, hard work,
perseverance, consistency and the list goes on. These values and others should
be taught from the beginning, but teens can more fully understand the
importance of these in today’s society. All around us and in the media, we hear
of the deterioration of values. Parents can teach their teens that those who
espouse a strong value system have better self-worth, develop respect for
others, have a clearer vision of what they need to do, communicate more
effectively, and develop stronger and healthy relationships. In essence, values
are the bedrock upon which society thrives and progresses and grows.
Interestingly,
in 1959 Northland College Principal John Tapene wrote the words of a judge who
regularly saw youth in his courtroom: “The world does not owe you a living; you
owe the world something. You owe it your time, energy and talent. . develop a
backbone, not a wishbone... You are important, and you are needed.”
While
the judge’s counsel is 55 years old, it is still judicious and wise counsel for
parents to teach their teens. Often, it is necessary to be firm and bold but
not overbearing. Both parents’ and children’s lives would be so much easier if
they decide early in a child’s life the most appropriate teachings and
standards for their children and then stick with them. Granted, they can seek
help from family, friends, teachers, clergy, etc. But, in the end, parents have
the ultimate responsibility of teaching their children.
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